The Family Dilemma: Why We’re Focusing on the Wrong Problem

The recent conversation surrounding Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s egg freezing journey has sparked a timely discussion about fertility and family formation in America. However, beneath the surface of this high-profile debate lies a more complex issue: our society’s obsession with measuring success through childbearing.

Journalist Anna Louie Sussman’s new book, Inconceivable, sheds light on the intricate web of economic, political, and psychological factors that prevent individuals from achieving their family goals. Rather than focusing solely on metrics such as income, education, or marriage, Sussman argues that the barriers to having children are deeply personal and often inescapable.

The Impossibility of Family

Sussman’s work challenges the notion that falling birth rates can be attributed solely to economic factors. Her research reveals a more nuanced picture of family formation in the 21st century, one that is shaped by diverse experiences and societal values. Inconceivable is not just about fertility treatments or reproductive technologies; it’s a critical examination of our societal values and how they impact people’s lives.

For instance, Sussman explores “kid-maxxing,” a phenomenon where individuals, particularly those in Silicon Valley and among the super rich, prioritize having children as a status symbol. This trend highlights the growing pressure to conform to traditional family norms, even among those who can afford to defy them.

The Rise of Eugenicist Rhetoric

Sussman also touches on the resurgence of eugenicist ideas, with some philosophers attempting to reclaim the term and justify “liberal eugenics” as a means of enhancing children through genetic selection. This disturbing trend is not new; American eugenic policies have had a lasting impact on Western societies.

The implications of this development are far-reaching: if we normalize the idea that parents should select embryos or fetuses based on their genetic potential, we risk perpetuating an elitist and discriminatory approach to family formation. This echoes the dark history of forced sterilization and other eugenic practices that have left a lasting scar on our collective conscience.

The Ocasio-Cortez Effect

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s decision to freeze her eggs has sparked both admiration and outrage, with some critics labeling it as an “elitist” choice. However, Sussman’s research suggests that AOC’s experience is not exceptional; rather, it reflects the growing trend among urban professionals in their late 30s who are delaying parenthood due to economic or personal reasons.

This nuanced understanding of family formation challenges our assumptions about what it means to be a prospective parent. Instead of demonizing those who delay childbearing, we should focus on creating policies that support individuals at all stages of life, regardless of their reproductive choices.

As Sussman notes, “Clearly you could have a lot more children being born if these technologies were more accessible.” But accessibility is just one part of the equation; we must also confront our own biases and assumptions about family formation. By acknowledging the complexities of family formation and addressing the root causes of these challenges, we can work towards creating a more inclusive and supportive society that values diversity in all its forms.

Ultimately, Inconceivable is not just a book about fertility treatments; it’s a call to action for policymakers and individuals alike to reexamine our values and priorities. By recognizing that family formation is a deeply personal issue, we can work towards creating a more equitable society where people are free to make choices about their families without fear of judgment or ostracism.