My wife and I don’t have sex and she refuses to talk about it. Should I just give up?

A Decade of Dry Nights: When Desires Go Unspoken in Marriage

For over a decade, Sarah has been married to her high school sweetheart, with whom she shares two small children. But beneath the surface of their seemingly perfect relationship lies a void that threatens to destroy their bond: a lack of sex and physical intimacy. The problem is one they've been trying to tackle through couples therapy, but it's a subject that remains taboo.

As Sarah points out, sex is not just about physical gratification – it's an expression of the entire relationship. When this aspect is ignored or dismissed in the therapeutic environment, it can lead to feelings of longing and desperation. For Sarah, her husband has been rebuffed at every attempt to discuss their intimacy issues, with some sessions devolving into anger.

Sarah feels deeply attracted to her husband, but his lack of interest has left her feeling ashamed and unattractive. The dynamic is lopsided, with her always initiating sex and never receiving reciprocation. Even casual flirtations or playful messages have been met with silence, eroding her confidence and leaving her wondering if she's somehow broken.

As Pamela Stephenson Connolly, a US-based psychotherapist specializing in treating sexual disorders, notes, the lack of discussion about this issue is surprising, especially given its importance in any relationship. "Sex should not be ignored in therapy," she emphasizes. "It can be challenging to broach the subject, but it's essential to acknowledge the emotions and desires involved."

Sarah's dilemma raises questions about the willingness to confront uncomfortable truths in marriage. Can couples truly move forward if they're unwilling to discuss their desires and needs? Is it possible for a relationship to thrive when one partner feels unheard or unvalued?

The answer lies not in giving up but in seeking a deeper understanding of each other's emotions and needs. As Pamela suggests, allowing oneself to feel the loss and shame associated with this situation is crucial. It may take courage, but doing so can lead to more authentic communication and potentially reignite the spark that once brought Sarah and her husband together.

For those struggling to navigate these issues in their own relationships, there's hope. By acknowledging the unspoken aspects of intimacy, we can begin to rebuild a connection that honors our desires and needs. As Sarah's story highlights, it's never too late to start the conversation – even if it takes courage to do so.

I think its really weird how couples try to sweep sex under the rug when its something thats supposed to be super important in a relationship. Like, what happens to those feelings and desires when they just get ignored? Sarah's story is so relatable - I mean who hasn't felt like their partner isn't interested or doesn't care about their needs? It can really take a toll on your self confidence and make you feel super unattractive.

The thing that really gets me though is how the therapist just sorta glosses over it - like, sex shouldn't be ignored in therapy! Its not that hard to bring up the subject if its going to affect peoples feelings and relationships. The key I think is for couples to have a real honest conversation about what they want and need from each other, without being all judgmental or critical. That way you can both work through your issues together.

I mean, its easy to fall into this pattern where one person always initiates and the other just goes along with it - but thats not healthy! You gotta make an effort to communicate and really listen to each other. And yeah, sometimes that means having some tough conversations about things like sex and intimacy, but ultimately its worth it to have a real connection with your partner.

I think the most important thing is for couples to stop being so afraid of bringing up these kinds of issues - its time to have some real talks about what we want from our relationships!

I think it's actually kinda cool that there are people like Pamela Stephenson Connolly out there who can help couples work through these tough issues. Like, they're not just therapists, but also advocates for open and honest communication in relationships. And honestly, I feel bad for Sarah - it's not easy to deal with feelings of shame and longing when you're not getting what you need from your partner. But at the same time, it's a good reminder that even in seemingly perfect relationships, there can be underlying issues that need to be addressed. Maybe instead of seeing it as a problem, we can see it as an opportunity for growth and deeper connection?

I feel like this is a big issue in school too ... when you're in a relationship, it's easy to just assume your partner is feeling the same way as you, but sometimes that's not the case. I've seen friends get into these "dry spells" where they don't talk about anything, including intimacy... and it can be super awkward. But like Sarah said, talking about it is key . We need to learn how to communicate our feelings and desires without making each other feel weird or uncomfortable.

I think schools could even teach relationships classes that focus on communication and intimacy... it's a great way to educate people from a young age . And I love what Pamela said about not being afraid to acknowledge your emotions and shame . It's so true, we need to be willing to talk about the hard stuff in order to build strong, healthy relationships.

It makes me think of our school's counseling services... do they offer any workshops or classes on relationships and intimacy? I wish we had something like that .

Ugh I feel for Sarah ...it's crazy how sex is still such a taboo topic in therapy sessions . I think it's so important that couples talk about their desires and needs, especially when things are feeling unfulfilling . It's not just about physical intimacy, but also emotional connection and validation . I've seen so many relationships suffer because one partner feels unheard or unvalued . But honestly, I think it's amazing that Sarah is speaking out and trying to find a solution . Maybe her story can inspire others to start those hard conversations and reignite the spark in their own relationships

its like they're playing a game of emotional roulette with each other... couples therapy is supposed to be about fixing the problems but its not just about sex its about feeling wanted and loved ... Sarah's situation is so sad because she feels ashamed and unattractive but thats not true ... she deserves to feel desired and sexy too

i think we need to make intimacy a non tabu topic in therapy... Pamela Stephenson Connolly makes some good points about acknowledging emotions and desires its all about communication ... if you dont feel like talking about it then thats okay but at least acknowledge the feelings you got no?

I feel so bad for Sarah , it's like her hubby is ignoring her feelings on purpose . I think couples therapy should totally address physical intimacy, it's not just about sex, but also about emotional connection . It's so brave of her that she's speaking out and seeking help . Sometimes we need to have those tough conversations to bring back the spark in our relationships . I hope Sarah finds a way to communicate with her hubby and work through their issues together . We should all be supporting each other, not just ignoring the elephant in the room .

I'm telling ya, back in my day we didn't have all these issues with intimacy and relationships . We just talked about stuff and worked it out. Nowadays everyone's too afraid to bring it up, even if it kills 'em . I mean, sex is like the air we breathe, right? You gotta have it or you're suffocating . It's not just about physical stuff, it's about emotional connection and communication . These couples need to get real with each other and talk about what they want, not just sit there feeling all stuck and unhappy . We should be having these conversations in therapy, not avoiding them like they're the plague . It's time to get over our insecurities and just be honest with ourselves and our partners .

I FEEL SO BAD FOR SARAH!!! SHE'S BEEN TRYING TO TALK TO HER HUSBAND ABOUT THIS ISSUE FOR YEARS AND HE JUST SHUTS HER DOWN EVERY TIME IT'S LIKE, THEY'RE TOGETHER WITH TWO KIDS BUT THEIR SEX LIFE IS NON-EXISTENT!!! I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT COMMUNICATION IS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND IT'S WORSE WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR PARTNER ISNT LISTENING OR CARES LESS ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS I THINK SARAH DESERVES BETTER THAN TO BE MADE TO FEEL SHAMEFUL AND UNATTRAACTIVE JUST BECAUSE HER HUSBAND DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT

I don’t usually comment but... I feel like this article is really relatable, you know? I've been in relationships where we both want intimacy but we just can't seem to talk about it without getting uncomfortable. It's like there's a weird assumption that if the sex isn't happening, everything else must be okay . But honestly, that's not true at all. For me, when I'm not feeling sexually fulfilled, I feel like a part of me is missing. It can lead to some pretty dark feelings like shame and low self-esteem .

I think the therapist's point about it being taboo is really important. We need to be able to talk about our desires without fear of judgment or rejection. It's not about being promiscuous or something, it's just about feeling seen and understood in our relationship . I don't have all the answers but I do know that having open and honest conversations with your partner is key .

It's also got me thinking about how we as a society can support people who are struggling with this stuff. We need to create spaces where people feel comfortable talking about their desires and needs without fear of judgment or repercussions .

this whole thing feels so messed up, you know? like, sex is supposed to be a natural part of marriage, but when one person is all about it and the other just doesn't care, it can be super toxic. i mean, sarah's husband just shuts down every time she tries to bring it up, which makes her feel awful about herself. that's not healthy at all! what's even more messed up is that they're supposed to be this perfect couple with two adorable kids, but beneath the surface, they're struggling to connect on a basic human level. i think sarah's right when she says it's time for them to have an honest convo about their feelings and desires. maybe then they can find a way to rekindle that spark and make their relationship better.

I think it's wild how often people assume sex is just about physical stuff when really it's way more emotional than that . Like, Sarah's situation is super relatable but also kinda scary - feeling like you're always the one initiating and never getting any reciprocation can be really damaging to your self-esteem . But at the same time, it's not just about sex itself, it's about feeling heard and valued in the relationship .

I think couples therapy needs to do a better job of addressing this kind of stuff head-on, rather than just glossing over it or making you feel guilty for even bringing it up . It's all about communication and being willing to have those tough conversations . And honestly, I think Sarah is lucky that she's still in the relationship - some people might've ended it a long time ago due to how unhappy they felt .

What's wild is that this topic isn't always talked about openly, but at the same time, everyone's experiencing these kinds of emotions somewhere . So yeah, I think it's super important for us to start having more honest conversations about intimacy and relationships

They're talkin' 'bout the elephant in the room, ya know? Unspoken desires in marriage is a big deal, but still, nobody wants to bring it up . It's like, sex ain't just about physical stuff, it's about connection and feelings too . Can't have that if you're not willin' to have the convo . It's scary, I get it, but what's scarier is feelin' unloved or unheard . We need to stop bein' afraid of gettin' real with ourselves and each other .

they gotta talk about it, ya know? like, sex is more than just a physical thing, its emotional, mental... everything. cant just ignore it in therapy and expect things to go back to normal

i feel bad for sarah, her husband seems really clueless ... she's tryna be all supportive but he just shuts down every time they bring it up... its like, what even is that?

I'm low-key worried about couples who feel like they're living in a sexless marriage . I mean, yeah, communication is key, but what happens when you're the one initiating everything and your partner just shuts down? It's like, Sarah feels ashamed and unattractive... that's not okay . We need to talk about this stuff in therapy, like Pamela Stephenson Connolly said . It's time for us to break the silence around intimacy and make sure our desires are being heard . If we can't be honest with each other, how can we expect to move forward? I'm rooting for Sarah and her husband - they need to have that tough conversation ASAP .

I think its crazy how people put all this pressure on marriage but dont really talk about it. Like, sex isnt just physical, its emotional too. When you're in a relationship and one person isnt interested, it can be super hurtful. My friends sister has been having issues like that with her hubby for years and she's always felt so ashamed of it. I think its time we start talking about it more openly, you know? It can't just be a taboo topic. Couples therapy should definitely include sex talk!

The struggles of marriage ... I remember when my wife and I were young, we used to have all the passion and excitement in the world. But life took over, and I think we just grew apart . Now, our sex life is more like a distant memory . We try to be supportive, but it's hard when one person feels so unfulfilled. I wish people talked about this stuff more openly, you know? It's not easy bringing it up, but maybe if we could have some honest conversations, we wouldn't feel so ashamed or unheard . It's funny, my wife says she feels like she's losing herself in the relationship, and that's a scary thought . I just want us to be able to reconnect on a deeper level, you know?

I feel so bad for Sarah, she's been feeling super alone in her marriage . It's like, sex isn't just about physical stuff , it's also about emotional connection and intimacy . And when that's ignored or brushed under the rug , it can lead to some major issues .

I think what bothers me most is how Sarah feels ashamed and unattractive . That's not fair to her at all . She deserves so much better . And I totally get why couples therapy isn't working for her . It's hard to bring up those awkward topics .

But you know what? I think Sarah is brave for speaking out . It takes a lot of courage to admit when things aren't working in your relationship . And I'm glad Pamela Stephenson Connolly is saying that sex shouldn't be ignored in therapy . That makes total sense .

For all the couples out there struggling with similar issues , don't give up ! Have an honest conversation about what you need and want . It might take some work, but it's worth it . And hey, if it takes courage to start that convo, then go for it

I feel so bad for sarah and her husband . its like they're living together as friends but having sex is just not an option. i can imagine how she feels, ashamed and unattractive. its time for them to have that tough conversation about their desires and needs. maybe they can start by being more open with each other and not avoiding the topic in therapy . sex is not just about physical gratification, its about expressing love and affection too. i wish sarah all the best in trying to reignite the spark in her marriage . we should be encouraging couples to have those hard conversations instead of keeping things quiet and uncomfortable .

I'm low-key surprised that therapists aren't discussing sex more openly in couples therapy . It's like, an essential part of any relationship, you know? Sex shouldn't be ignored or brushed under the rug #SexIsKey #CouplesTherapy.

If your partner is being really uncooperative about intimacy, it's time to have a real talk . Don't be afraid to bring up your desires and needs - it might feel awkward, but it's better than feeling like you're going crazy #UnspokenDesires.

Sarah's story is a total eye-opener (no pun intended ). It shows us that even in seemingly perfect relationships, there can be major issues lurking beneath the surface. We need to start talking more openly about our sex lives and desires - it might just save our marriages .