My wife and I don’t have sex and she refuses to talk about it. Should I just give up?

"I'm at my wit's end with my wife of 10 years - our marriage has become a hollow shell, devoid of intimacy and passion. It's been four years since we tied the knot, but I've come to realize that sex is no longer on the table for us. She won't discuss it, even in therapy sessions, and I'm left feeling shame and unattractive when she rebuffs my advances.

The dynamic has become all mine - I initiate everything, while she seems to focus solely on her own needs and desires. The lack of reciprocation is suffocating, leaving me feeling unwanted and unloved. Even the slightest hint of flirtation from me falls flat; silence is my only response.

It's demoralizing, knowing that we've been couples therapy for months without addressing this issue head-on. Our therapist seems to be avoiding it altogether, as if sex wasn't a viable topic of discussion. I'm beginning to wonder why they're not pushing us to explore these feelings further. It's crucial in our relationship; intimacy is often an expression of our entire partnership.

The truth hurts - our marriage feels like a facade, a lifeless shell of what we once had. If I don't confront this deep-seated issue, I risk losing myself in the process. The silence from my wife is deafening, and it's only by speaking up that I can begin to heal and possibly reignite the spark that once drove us together.

I'm not sure how much longer I can keep going down this lonely path. It's time for me to take a step back, reassess our relationship, and demand more from my wife - and myself. The silence has been deafening, but it's also an opportunity for change."

ugh, sounds like he's lost all connection with his wife they've been doing couples therapy for months and its just ignored the sex part? that's so frustrating... i feel bad for him, but maybe this is a wake up call for both of them... maybe they need to have real conversations about what they want from their relationship

I totally get why you're at your wit's end. It sounds like you're feeling super frustrated and unfulfilled in your marriage, and the lack of intimacy is having a huge impact on your self-esteem . Your wife not wanting to discuss this issue, even with therapy, feels really unfair and suffocating .

It's crazy that you feel like it's all on you to initiate everything, while she seems to be focusing on her own needs. That power imbalance can be really draining . And honestly, it's messed up that the therapist isn't pushing you both to explore these feelings further .

Your point about intimacy being a crucial part of your relationship is spot on . It's not just about sex; it's about feeling seen, heard, and connected with your partner . If you don't speak up and confront this issue, I worry that the spark in your marriage might die out for good .

Taking a step back and reassessing your relationship is probably exactly what you need to do right now . It's not about blaming your wife or being selfish; it's about taking care of yourself and demanding more from your partner (and from yourself) .

Ugh, feels like I'm reading the same thing again... Remember when I commented on this Reddit thread last month about how couples therapy isn't doing its job? This post is just another example of how therapists are missing the point . It's not just about sex, it's about intimacy and connection in a relationship. The fact that they're avoiding it altogether is like, totally invalidating his feelings . I mean, can't they see how he's feeling? He's literally begging for help here...

the whole situation is super painful to watch & I feel so bad for this guy. he's basically being shut down by his own therapist which makes sense, but still - sex is a huge part of any relationship and it's weird that it's just been ignored. i mean, intimacy isn't just about the physical stuff - it's also about emotional connection & communication... but at some point you gotta talk about it . it's not fair to either partner that they're just left feeling unwanted or unloved , and I think he's taking a really brave step by speaking up & demanding more from himself & his wife

I feel so bad for you dude... it sounds like things have gotten really rough between you and your wife. Four years is a long time to go without talking about this stuff, and it's no wonder you're feeling suffocated and unwanted.

I can see how it must be super frustrating that your therapist isn't pushing you both to discuss this more. I mean, intimacy is everything in a relationship! It's not just about sex, but about feeling connected and understood on a deeper level.

You're right, it takes a lot of courage to speak up and confront these issues, especially if you feel like your wife isn't willing to talk about them too. But at the same time, refusing to acknowledge the problem won't solve anything...

It's interesting that you mention feeling shame when your wife rebuffs you - that's not something you should be feeling, dude! You deserve love and respect from your partner, no matter what.

I think it's awesome that you're taking a step back and reassessing things. Sometimes, we need to take a break and come back to our relationships with a fresh perspective.

this article is breaking my heart... i feel so bad for the guy who's just trying to connect with his wife, but she's shutting him down . it's not about sex being a big deal or anything, it's just that they're both not communicating and it's making him feel super low . he's doing all the work by himself, like, what's up with couples therapy not addressing this stuff?! it's time for them to have an open conversation about what's going on and figure out how to get their spark back

Ugh, couples therapy is literally the worst . I mean, what's the point of even doing it if you're not gonna tackle the tough stuff? They should be pushing these guys to have real conversations about their desires and boundaries, not just let them sweep it under the rug. And honestly, who needs intimacy when you've got Netflix and your own couch, amirite? The guy's been feeling suffocated by his wife's lack of reciprocation, but maybe he should try being more understanding and less "I'm a sex god" all the time. It's not like it's rocket science, just communicate and be willing to compromise!

I feel so bad for you, mate... 10 years of marriage is a big deal, and to have that spark fizzled out like that... it's tough . Don't know what your wife's issue is, but it sounds like she's not making an effort at all. Maybe it's time for some real talk with her? Or even couples therapy, like you said? You can't keep going down this lonely path if you want to fix things .

omg i feel so bad for u tho... marriage can be like that sometimes i guess u should try talking to ur wife about it in a calm convo maybe she dont even realize how she's making u feel? and idk bout this therapist thing but maybe they just dont know how to handle it? i mean intimacy is super important so yeah u gotta do what feels right for u... maybe its time 4 u & ur wife 2 take a break from each other or somethin but not b 4cuddlin or nothin lol u need ur space but stil love each other

feels so sorry to hear that you're going through this sex is such a big part of any relationship and if yours is lacking intimacy & passion that's gotta be super tough i think its great that you're speaking up tho, therapy can't fix everything but it can help u both understand each other better maybe try having an open convo with your wife about ur feelings and listen to hers too, sometimes silence can be a sign of fear or shame not just the lack of desire

I feel so bad for the guy in this situation... his wife's lack of communication is really taking a toll on him. It sounds like they've grown apart and are struggling to reconnect. Sex shouldn't be a huge deal, but when it becomes a point of contention, that's a major red flag. The therapist not addressing it directly is weird though - I think they should be pushing them to have those tough conversations!

He needs to take some time for himself, reflect on what he wants from their relationship and have an open conversation with his wife about it. Maybe they just need a break or some space to rekindle the spark. It's not all doom and gloom - there's hope for renewal and growth!

I feel so bad for you, mate. Marriage is tough enough, but when the passion and intimacy are gone, it can be really bleak. It's not just about sex; it's about feeling connected and understood on a deeper level.

I think your wife might be avoiding the conversation because it's uncomfortable or even painful for her. Sometimes, people don't know how to talk about these things without making others feel bad.

Therapy is supposed to help you both understand each other better, but if they're not pushing the issue, that's not doing its job. It sounds like your therapist might be missing the mark.

You've got every right to take a step back and re-evaluate things. If you feel like the spark is gone, it's time to try and reignite it. Communication is key here; make sure you're both on the same page about what you want from each other. It might be tough, but if you don't speak up, you'll just keep going through the motions. Take a deep breath, and have an honest conversation with your wife – it's worth a shot!

I feel so bad for you mate . Marriage is hard enough without this major elephant in the room. It sounds like your wife's shutdown is giving you some serious low self-esteem , and honestly, that's not fair to either of you. I think it takes a lot of courage to admit when something's not working, so kudos for taking this step.

From what I've seen, therapy can be super helpful, but sometimes those therapists need a nudge , right? Maybe you should try talking to your wife about how you're feeling? It might help her see things from your perspective and open up the conversation. And if not, it's time for you to take care of yourself . You deserve to be happy, even if that means re-evaluating the relationship. Don't give up on yourself just yet!

I feel so sorry to hear that you're going through this with your wife... 10 years is a long time to have a marriage without intimacy, and it's amazing that you're recognizing the issue and wanting to make a change. It's not easy to talk about, but sometimes we need to confront the elephant in the room (or in this case, the lack of passion ) to move forward.

It's understandable that your wife isn't discussing it with you, but it's still really demotivating for you, right? I think it's great that you're taking responsibility and wanting to reignite the spark. Have you considered couples therapy on your own terms though? Maybe find a therapist who's more open about discussing sensitive topics like this. That way, you can have an honest conversation with each other without feeling like you're being pushed or pulled into something uncomfortable.

I feel so bad for you, mate. It sounds like things have gone super quiet in your marriage. Four years is a long time to go without talking about something that feels so important, especially when it comes to intimacy and passion. Your wife's silence isn't helping, but at the same time, I think she might be feeling really vulnerable about discussing this stuff.

It's not fair on you that you're taking on all the responsibility of initiating everything. You deserve to have your needs met too, and it sounds like you've been carrying the weight of your relationship on your own for a while now.

You're right, therapy should be helping you both work through this stuff, but if they're not pushing the issue, that's just as much an issue as the one you're trying to solve. It's time for you to take control and have an open conversation with your wife about what you need from each other.

It's scary to think about confronting these feelings, but sometimes it's the only way to move forward. You've been doing this alone for too long, and it's time to bring yourself back into the picture

I feel so bad for this guy... 10 years of marriage and it's like they've just lost that spark. It sounds like he's been feeling really isolated in the relationship, like he's the only one trying to keep things alive. That must be super lonely and demoralizing .

I think it's great that he's taking this step back and re-evaluating their relationship. It's not easy to admit when things aren't working, but sometimes that's exactly what we need to do to move forward. I hope his wife is open to having a real conversation about what's going on, because if she isn't... it might be time for some serious changes .

It's also interesting that he mentions the therapist avoiding the topic of sex - it makes you wonder if there are other issues at play here. Maybe this isn't just about intimacy and passion, but about a deeper connection or communication problem . Whatever the reason, I hope they both come out stronger on the other side

ugh, couples therapy that avoids the obvious topic... sounds like they're just as stuck as you are . its crazy how intimacy can become a major obstacle, not a solution. like, your wife's "own needs and desires" might be code for she's lost interest in you lol. anyway, kudos to you for finally acknowledging the problem and wanting change - good luck with that

omg i feel like the guy in that story so badly his wife is literally giving him zero intimacy what even is therapy supposed to fix i think their therapist needs to take a different approach or get outta there cuz thats not how u work thru issues it's all about communication and mutual understanding but idk how hard that can be when ur partner isnt willing to talk about it at least he's recognizing the issue and taking steps to fix it which is more than i can say for some ppl who just give up if u catch my drift