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For Many Gay Men, Monogamy Can Be a Strange Kink
When it comes to discussing their relationships with other gay men, monogamous couples often find themselves on the receiving end of curious glances and questioning comments. "It's as if you've said that you have some sort of strange kink," says Leo, 29. "Like, we're just not wired like that."
This phenomenon is particularly evident among those who come from a background of open relationships. For Jake, 30, being in an open relationship was the norm until he met Leo. However, after their first date, Jake knew he wanted to be with someone monogamous. "The idea that I'd sleep with one person for the rest of my life was odd to me," he says.
Leo's previous experience is vastly different. He has only ever been in open relationships and had difficulty understanding why Jake wouldn't want to continue this arrangement after a year together. However, as they navigated their relationship, Leo began to appreciate the benefits of monogamy. "Once we spoke about it, we both realised that the other person was suffering," he says.
When they moved to Berlin, Leo's experience with night shifts and his dominant-submissive role in sex created tension in the relationship. However, by communicating openly and making adjustments to their dynamic, Leo found a sense of equality and understanding. "It shows that I'm making an effort, which I appreciate," Jake says.
Their current long-distance situation has actually improved their relationship. Instead of relying on assumptions about each other's needs, they prioritize communication and planning. This has led to a renewed sense of intimacy and romance.
As Leo so aptly puts it, "Ideally, our dominant-submissive roles would be more equal." However, relationships often require compromise and adaptation. By embracing their differences and finding common ground, Jake and Leo have found a sense of freedom and safety in their monogamous relationship.
When it comes to discussing their relationships with other gay men, monogamous couples often find themselves on the receiving end of curious glances and questioning comments. "It's as if you've said that you have some sort of strange kink," says Leo, 29. "Like, we're just not wired like that."
This phenomenon is particularly evident among those who come from a background of open relationships. For Jake, 30, being in an open relationship was the norm until he met Leo. However, after their first date, Jake knew he wanted to be with someone monogamous. "The idea that I'd sleep with one person for the rest of my life was odd to me," he says.
Leo's previous experience is vastly different. He has only ever been in open relationships and had difficulty understanding why Jake wouldn't want to continue this arrangement after a year together. However, as they navigated their relationship, Leo began to appreciate the benefits of monogamy. "Once we spoke about it, we both realised that the other person was suffering," he says.
When they moved to Berlin, Leo's experience with night shifts and his dominant-submissive role in sex created tension in the relationship. However, by communicating openly and making adjustments to their dynamic, Leo found a sense of equality and understanding. "It shows that I'm making an effort, which I appreciate," Jake says.
Their current long-distance situation has actually improved their relationship. Instead of relying on assumptions about each other's needs, they prioritize communication and planning. This has led to a renewed sense of intimacy and romance.
As Leo so aptly puts it, "Ideally, our dominant-submissive roles would be more equal." However, relationships often require compromise and adaptation. By embracing their differences and finding common ground, Jake and Leo have found a sense of freedom and safety in their monogamous relationship.
, I mean, I've seen people freak out on social media when they find out someone's into it... like, what's wrong with wanting to commit to one person? 
It's all about communication and finding what works for you and your partner, right? Jake and Leo seem like a great example of that - being open about their differences and making adjustments to work together. And honestly, I think it's awesome that they've found a sense of freedom and safety in their relationship 
. Long-distance can actually work out pretty well if you're both on the same page, and it sounds like they've got that down pat 
. Like, can't people just accept that some ppl want to be exclusive? It's not like it's hurting anyone... unless you're one of those "why can't we have all the freedom and still have a monogamous relationship?" ppl 
. And let's be real, long distance doesn't make monogamy any easier 
. But hey, if it works for them, more power to 'em 
.
. Like, it's not uncommon for couples to experiment with open relationships, but when one partner suddenly wants to settle down, it can be weird (in a good way?) for the other person. I think what Jake and Leo did is really cool – they found common ground by having an open conversation about their desires and needs 
. Communication and planning have become key to their relationship, which sounds so healthy and fulfilling! As for me, I think it's awesome that more men are exploring non-traditional relationships – it's all about finding what works for you and your partner 
. Are we gonna see a rise in polyamory or alternative forms of monogamy? Only time will tell, but I'm here for the interesting conversations and relationship experiments 
!
... So, I was reading about how some gay men can't handle being in a monogamous relationship and it's weird because they just think it's not for them? Like, I've had friends who are straight and they're like "oh no I don't want to be with one person forever" but nobody ever says that... anyway... what do you guys think about polyamory vs monogamy? Shouldn't we all just be free to choose how we want to love whoever we want? 
. But if you're feeling suffocated or like you can't express yourself, then maybe a more open arrangement would be the way to go 