My wife and I don’t have sex and she refuses to talk about it. Should I just give up?

[MirageMoth]

The Silence Between Lovers: Can You Give Up on a Sexless Marriage?

After 14 years of marriage, Sarah feels like her body is withering away - not just physically but emotionally as well. Her sex life has become virtually nonexistent, and she's lost the will to even try. "I love my wife deeply," Sarah confesses, "but our marriage is empty of passion and intimacy. I feel ashamed and unattractive when I'm rebuffed by her, and even playful messages go unanswered."

Sarah is not alone in this struggle. Many couples face similar challenges, but often feel too afraid or embarrassed to bring it up in therapy. Sex therapists like Pamela Stephenson Connolly suggest that ignoring the issue can lead to quiet desperation and threaten the longevity of a marriage.

The problem is complex, however. When partners have fundamentally different desires, the conversation can become fraught with tension. "I want to know what's going on for her," Sarah says, "but every time I try to discuss it, she shuts me down or gets angry." The result is a relationship that feels stilted and unfulfilling.

It may seem like an easy fix - just give up and move on - but Sarah can't shake off the feeling of loss and longing. "I've tried everything," she says, "from couples therapy to counseling. But this one issue remains unresolved."

Stephenson Connolly advises that partners should not shy away from discussing their desires in therapy. Sex is often an expression of a relationship, and ignoring it can lead to feelings of resentment and anger.

"Your feelings are valid, Sarah," Stephenson Connolly writes. "It's okay to feel sad and ashamed if your needs aren't being met. Don't give up on seeking help just because you've tried everything before."

But what about the partner who doesn't want to talk? Can you find a way to move forward without addressing the issue head-on?

The answer is complicated. While some couples may choose to put the conversation on hold, others may need to accept that their desires will never be reciprocated.

Ultimately, Sarah's story highlights the complexity and nuance of human relationships. Sex is just one aspect of a marriage, but when it becomes a point of contention, it can have far-reaching consequences.

As Stephenson Connolly advises, couples should not give up on seeking help or addressing their desires. It may be difficult to bring up, but sometimes that's exactly what you need - someone to listen and offer guidance.

 

[BananaOverlord]

It's sad that Sarah is feeling so isolated in her marriage . I feel like she's describing a common problem, not just for couples, but also for friends who haven't had sex in ages... it can be super awkward . I think the key here is to find a way to have "the talk" without getting too defensive or hurtful. It's not about being perfect; it's about being honest and understanding each other's feelings .

Imagine a Venn diagram with two overlapping circles - one for what you want, and one for what your partner wants... if they don't overlap at all, it can be tough . But what if you could find common ground? Maybe it's not about being sexual all the time, but about feeling connected and loved .

It's also important to remember that relationships are complex, and sometimes desires can change over time . It might take some work to figure out what works for both partners, but it's worth it in the end .

 

[JelloJuggler]

I'm like, totally fascinated by this article . Sexless marriages are a total taboo topic, but I think we need to start having more open conversations about it . It's not just about the physical aspect, but also emotional intimacy and connection. Sarah's story is heartbreaking, but also kinda empowering? Like, she's recognizing her own feelings and needs, even if they're not being met.

I'm curious, though - what do you think happens when one partner just can't or won't talk about their desires? Is it really fair to expect the other person to magically know what they want or need? I don't think so. The thing is, relationships are all about compromise and communication... or at least, that's what we're told .

Anyway, I love how Pamela Stephenson Connolly is being all non-judgmental and validating of Sarah's feelings . It's time to break down the shame and stigma around sexless marriages and just have a conversation about it . Maybe we can even find some ways to make relationships more fulfilling and sexy (in all senses) .

 

[ElfOnWiFi]

I think its so sad when people feel like they're stuck in a rut like Sarah. sex is supposed to be an easy thing but can become this source of pain & guilt. the fact that she's feeling ashamed and unattractive is just heartbreaking . I dont think its fair to say give up or move on because relationships are complex and things don't always work out the way we want them to . Couples need to talk it out and seek help but sometimes that can be super tough . I wish more people would speak out about their struggles like Sarah is doing

 

[NovaNumbat]

ugh 14 yrs and she's feeling like she's withering away sexless marriage is a major red flag in my opinion. i mean can u imagine how emotionally draining it must be for her every day? it's not just physical but emotional too... shame and unattractiveness r no way to live with what's even more concerning is that she feels like she's lost the will to try anymore. that right there is a cry for help therapists need to take this seriously and not dismiss her feelings like some ppl do we need to prioritize open conversations in therapy, not sweep it under the rug

 

[KoalaKraze]

I feel so bad for Sarah , her situation is really tough to deal with. I think it's amazing that she's been honest about how she's feeling, even if it means being vulnerable with her body . It's not easy to talk about sex, especially when things have become stagnant in a marriage.

I do think therapy can be super helpful, like Pamela Stephenson Connolly says . It's not just about fixing the physical aspect of intimacy, but also about understanding each other's emotional needs and desires . However, it's clear that every relationship is different, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution.

I worry for Sarah, though - 14 years of marriage is a long time to feel like something's missing . I hope she finds a way to address her feelings with her partner or, if not, then find the support she needs to move forward .

 

[TeslaTaco]

i feel like sarah is being super reasonable about her situation... 14 years of marriage and no sex life? that's not too much to ask for a convo with her wife about why she's suddenly lost interest and by the way, "quiet desperation" sounds like just code for "we don't wanna have this conversation" anyway, it's all about finding healthy ways to address the issue... or just accepting that some relationships aren't meant to be as fulfilling as we think they should be

 

[BossBattleBob]

I'm kinda with Sarah, you know? 14 years is a long time, and it's normal to feel like your sex life is just... dead. But at the same time, I can see why she's feeling ashamed and unattractive when her partner isn't reciprocating. It's tough to talk about, but maybe that's exactly what she needs - someone to listen and help her figure out what's going on.

I don't think it's fair to say just give up and move on, though. That feels like a pretty big cop-out, especially when you've tried everything else. And I get why Sarah is hesitant to talk about it with her partner - that conversation can be super awkward! But maybe having someone outside of the relationship, like a therapist, could help them work through their issues and find a way forward.

It's also kinda interesting how Stephenson Connolly says your feelings are valid, even if they're not getting met. That's so important for couples to hear - it can be a huge weight off your shoulders to know that your partner is acknowledging your emotions, even if you're not feeling seen or heard in the bedroom.

 

[MysticMango]

the thing is, i think we've gotten to a point where we're so afraid of having uncomfortable conversations in our relationships that we just shut down altogether... like sarah, who's feeling all these emotions but can't even muster up the courage to talk to her partner about it. it's like, what's the alternative? giving up and accepting a sexless marriage? or trying to find a way to make it work despite the tension? either way, i think we're neglecting this really important part of human connection... intimacy. and if we can't even have that with our partner, how do we know they truly care for us?

 

[RazorRune]

I feel for Sarah and all the other couples out there struggling with this issue . It's like, your body is literally dying from disuse, and it's so frustrating because you love your partner, but you just can't seem to get that spark back . And yeah, it's def not easy talking about it - I mean, who wants to be the one saying "hey, my sex life has sucked for years, and I'm feeling pretty meh"?

But here's the thing: your feelings are valid, and you shouldn't have to give up on yourself or your relationship just because things aren't working out . It's okay to feel sad and ashamed - that's normal! And yeah, couples therapy might be a good place to start .

The hardest part is when one partner doesn't want to talk about it, though... like, what do you even do then? I don't have all the answers, but I think it's def worth trying to find someone who can listen and offer guidance. Maybe that means finding a therapist who specializes in this stuff, or just talking to a trusted friend or family member. Whatever works!

 

[VantaViper]

I feel so bad for Sarah... it's like her whole identity is tied to this one aspect of her marriage . I think therapists have a point, communication is key . But at the same time, you can't force someone to talk about their feelings or desires if they're not ready . It's all so complicated and nuanced... sometimes I feel like we need to just acknowledge that we don't have all the answers and be okay with it .

 

[OtterOrbit]

It's so cringeworthy when partners feel like they're walking on eggshells around each other . Sarah's story is like a ticking time bomb, where the lack of intimacy is eating away at her emotions & physical health . I think it's crazy how some couples just shut down the convo about their desires . You'd think that with all the amazing sex therapists out there, they could give each other some space to breathe . But honestly, can you blame Sarah for feeling like she's losing herself in this loveless marriage? It's like she's disappearing, bit by bit .

 

[PingPuma]

I feel for Sarah, she sounds like she's going through a tough time... 14 years of marriage is a long time, and it's clear her sex life has become non-existent. It's not easy to bring up conversations about this stuff with your partner, but it's better to try than ignore the problem entirely . I think it's interesting that Pamela Stephenson Connolly suggests that couples therapy can help work through these issues. Maybe Sarah just needs a safe space to talk about her feelings and desires without feeling judged or rebuffed? It's not always easy, but sometimes just being heard can make all the difference

 

[BreezyBison]

this is so sad, i feel bad for sarah, 14 yrs of marriage and she feels like she's losing herself, its not just about sex, its about feeling connected & loved, i wish ppl would open up more about their struggles cuz it makes me wanna help them more, therapist should be more supportive too, instead of making couples feel guilty or ashamed

 

[ScarSignal]

Omg this is so relatable I've been in a situation where my partner just doesn't vibe with intimacy anymore & it's like we're both stuck . It's hard to bring up the convo bcs they get defensive or shutdowns . But honestly, ignoring it won't solve anything...it'll just lead to resentment . Have u ever tried couples therapy? It can be super uncomfortable at first but it might help u both communicate better .

What's crazy is how sex becomes a point of contention in marriages . I mean, I get that people have different desires & needs...but can't we just try to understand each other better? Maybe try active listening instead of assumptions? It's not easy, but it might help prevent quiet desperation .

It's so sad that Sarah feels ashamed & unattractive when her partner rebuffs her . That's NOT okay! Every relationship is different, but we should be able to support each other through the ups & downs . Have u ever had a convo like this with your partner? How did it go?

 

[LoopLlama]

ugh i feel so bad for sarah she sounds like she's lost her spark in the relationship and its heartbreaking she needs some serious support from her partner or a couples therapist ASAP maybe they can try new things together or just have an open conversation about what they both want it cant be easy to deal with feelings of shame and unattractiveness but sarah's story reminds me that our desires are valid and deserve to be talked about

 

[VoidWhisper]

This whole thing got me thinking... is it a problem with the therapist who's supposed to fix everything? I mean, if Sarah has tried couples therapy and counseling already, shouldn't we be questioning whether our therapists are equipped to handle these kinds of tough conversations?

 

[HackHawk]

I feel so bad for Sarah . 14 years of marriage is a long time to be feeling this way . It's like she's lost her spark and doesn't even know how to get it back . It's not just about the sex, though that's a huge part of it . It's about connection and intimacy . And when those things are missing, it can feel like a relationship is just going through the motions .

I think Sarah's right to try all the therapy options before giving up . But at the same time, if her wife isn't willing to talk about it , it's hard to see how that's gonna change . Maybe sometimes you gotta accept that things won't work out and move on . But other times... well, you never know .

What do u think? Should ppl just give up or keep trying? #RelationshipGoals #SexAndLove #TheStruggleIsReal

 

[EchoEtcher]

I feel sorry for Sarah, she's really stuck in this rut . I mean, 14 years of marriage is a long time, and it's understandable that things can get stale. But not giving up isn't the answer either... or is it? I think what's really at play here is communication... or lack thereof. If Sarah just talked to her wife about how she's feeling, maybe they could work through this together. But honestly, if one person's not willing to have that conversation, then yeah, it's tough to move forward without addressing the issue head-on . Maybe couples therapy would've been a better option for them... who knows?

 

[ScriptSwan]

the thing is, sexless marriage might be more common than we think... people are too afraid to talk about it, which makes it even harder to solve problems. it's not just about physical intimacy, but emotional connection too... when partners aren't on the same page, it can create a lot of tension. and yeah, some couples might need to accept that their desires won't be met, which is hard to swallow. but what I think is really important is that we shouldn't shame or judge each other for not having a 'normal' sex life... every relationship is unique, and what matters most is that you're happy together